April was a doozy.
I feel like I just ran a half marathon while trying to simultaneously enjoy a piece of cheesecake. Exhausted, messy, slightly disoriented, and ready for a nap.
My favorite journal entry from the month was this:
Enough. At the end of the day, what is done is done, and it is enough. I have it tattooed on my wrist in case I ever forget. On the list of things to do, I may have accomplished a few things, for sure. The room is clean and laundry done, a chapter read, a video edited, a math test graded. But what did I really accomplish this day? And why does the guilt follow me around and mock me, saying “It’s not enough! You did not do enough today!” This is the accusation so many live under. I shall send Guilt away, ashamed of himself and empty handed, because at the end of THIS day, I am saying, IT IS ENOUGH! What did I accomplish? I saw my student smile with true joy in her heart, which is huge. I belly laughed with Sarah and the kids at a stupid joke. I sat with family at the dinner table and enjoyed their company. I edited senior portraits, while thinking of the things that particular senior has overcome to graduate, and I felt my heart swell with pride. THAT is good for a day.
That being said, I feel like now that May is here, I am at the edge of a precipice. It is about time to dive off. All the planning and coordinating is exciting and hopeful, as well as difficult. Who knows what will come of it? I feel ready to just go ahead and jump, the anticipation is killing me! I will be sad to leave so many amazing people here in Alaska, but I am definitely ready for the next steps.
This week I go to my first training with ReachGlobal in Minneapolis. I come home for 10 days and then pack up and drive off into the sunset. Life has entered a transition phase that I am slightly terrified about because I don’t know how long it will last and when it will end. Once I leave Alaska, the next place I’ll really get to unpack my bags is Costa Rica. I’m praying for a heart that is willing to accept the season as it comes, to neither rush it or drag my heels in any way.
In April, I got to solidify so many of the plans for the summer, and then I also added some super exciting ones! In July, when I go to my second training with ReachGlobal in Minneapolis, I’ve decided to take the train. Yes, folks, I said the train. Amtrak! And since I’m a big believer in the philosophy of “go big or go home”, I’ll take the train from Colorado to Minnesota, then down to Chicago, over to NYC (via upstate New York), down to Maryland (yay, Waldons, I’m coming to see you!), down the coast a bit more to North Carolina, South Carolina, and possibly Georgia, and then back to Colorado. It. Will. Be. Amazing. It’s one of those things that people say “someday” to, and shake their heads and say “if only…” and I’m just going to go ahead and do it.
So, pray for me. I would love if you prayed for me! I just shared in church here in Port Alsworth about the vision and ministry I am stepping into. The response of my community was humbling and made me feel so loved and cared for. I cannot wait to reconnect with people down in the States. I’m writing a few blog posts that show the maps of where I’ll be and roughly when. Let’s have coffee and catch up! If you would like to host a get-together where I can share the ministry vision for Costa Rica and South America, let’s also talk.