These past 2 months have been full of the grace of God. Healing. Healing from things that were a sucker punch to me, but also healing in things I didn’t even realize were broken. The craziest thing about the whole situation is that as soon as I said “I’m hurt, I am broken, someone hurt me, and it was wrong to do”, many many other women surrounded me with the same confession. Ladies, when we come around one another, and share our hurts, and hold one another up, an amazing thing happens. Grace abounds. We tell ourselves that we’re the only ones, that no one would understand our situation. The truth? We are NOT alone in this. And we ought to have each other’s backs, and hold one another in our hurts.
I am learning that as a photographer, I can take my own experiences and use them to help other people find healing. To help other people find healing, and to help push social change and justice, I must also be open and willing to seek healing for myself. In many ways, I am grateful that I can share the hurt and the grace of God in the midst of it with those I work with.
Kacy Lou, a teacher at the Denver Street School, and a woman who I have grown to cherish very much as a friend shared something from her heart on her blog that I just want to pass on. My own instance of abuse, of hurt, was a one time, horrible event in Africa. Many many many other women go through abuse of different sorts for years on end. The truth in the midst of it all, no matter what our trauma looks like is that GOD HEALS. And the more you shine light in those dark places, and let other people into the hurting, broken places of your heart, the more healing can come.
I very much want to share Kacy’s blog post, at least in part today. To read the entire thing, visit Louise in the Light:
Abuse says a lot about a person. In some cases the abuser is crying out for help. In others, the abuser is attempting to make someone else cry in order to project the pain in their hearts onto someone else.
I went to school for a ton of different things (veterinary technician, English teacher, pre-med., film production, and theater acting, just to name a few) but I never went to school for psychology, so I can’t give you the exact explanation of what abuse says about an abuser.
I can however, tell you some of the things that abuse says to the abused.
Abuse says you’re worthless.
Abuse says you’re weak.
Abuse says you should be filled with shame for the part you have played within a certain situation.
Abuse says you deserve everything that has come your way.
Abuse says you are flawed.
Abuse says you are unlovable.
Abuse says you should keep your mouth shut.
Abuse says that the abuse will only get worse if you speak up.
Abuse says you’re the only one that feels this way.
For years I have foolishly listened to the things that my abuser(s) and abuse have spoken into my life.
But recently things have begun to change. Roughly a month ago, I felt God open the door for restoration and healing of some of the worst abuse in my past; abuse so dark and deep seeded that I had never told anyone about it. So when the opportunity for healing first came, my answer was a no brainer.
I said, “Oh hell no.” and slammed the door to healing shut, right in God’s face.
But true to His loving nature, the door swung back open less than a week later– A door which I promptly slammed shut once again… Only to have it swing back open yet again a few days after that…
Annoyed, it became fairly obvious to me that I was going to have to deal with my past.
For the first time in my life, I confided in a good friend about the abuse that riddled my past. For weeks I sobbed and screamed and was absolutely miserable as I worked to lay my pain and brokenness at the feet of Jesus.