Blog Life Ministry Work Travel

The “S” Word

November 29, 2013

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There is a stigma that I have had to work through, particularly as a Christian girl. As I prepare to travel, I have been faced with it head on. There are 2 parts to talk about, and I think I’ll just go ahead and deal with both:

1. I am single. And I am happy.
2. I am not wasting another moment waiting around for life and adventure to begin, waiting on an imaginary man. I have places to go.

Let’s talk about what my Maker says about me. He says I am strong, confident, compassionate, beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, complete ONLY in Him. No man, woman, institution or organization gets to define me or dictate my value to me. Only HIM.

Not all that long ago, I was the girl that just wanted to settle down and get married. Absolutely NOTHING wrong with that dream. In fact, it’s a great dream! However, I was one of the desperate ones. And on top of that, I had this gut feeling that I was called to be single for quite awhile and do something different. I thought that a man would complete me, fix my loneliness, give me purpose, etc. Poor imaginary guy. He could no more do any of that than paint rainbows in the sky and give me my own unicorn.
After much inner battle, lots of counsel, and much prayer, I realized that I needed a different dream. That no man was going to come rescue me because I WAS NOT A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! In fact, God has called me out to the nations, to do work! To a career, to help people, to serve… there is nothing wrong with this. And there is NOTHING wrong with be a single girl in the Christian church.
I know that it is meant well, but I get a bit frustrated with the pity that older people in church give me because I am single. As though I am waiting for my life to begin. Let me make an announcement: my life began over 27 years ago! And I intend to live every bit of it, whether single or with a husband later on.  Married women are often trying to “fix” me, and get me to find some guy to make me have babies and stay in one place.  I do not need fixing, I am not broken.
How does this relate to travel? Well, I waited around for Prince Charming to come rescue me for a long time. When I finally stood up, brushed myself off, and gave myself the talk (You are strong, you are confident, you are beautiful), I realized that I have a callling on my life REGARDLESS of my marital status! That I have places to go, people to meet, adventures to have, relationships and friendships to make, here and now!
And so, I am traveling. As a single girl. Yes, I know to be cautious. But the point I am trying to make is that life does not start with marriage. Life starts when you realize you are fearfully and wonderfully made. That you have a purpose, you are alive for a reason. I am alive, now. I am going to live fully, now. I am single, and not waiting around for anyone.

A few others have this same strong opinion. Oh my goodness, I was yelling “Amen, sister, preach it!” at my computer when I read this article by Rachel Selinger, another creative like me.
I love that John Acuff can have a sense of humor about being single in the church. I scored so high on this quiz it’s not even funny.
Here is the project that started me down this road a year ago. It was incredibly empowering and liberating.  It led to this project, and then this one.  And me running a half marathon, but that is a story for another day.

It makes me sad when I see all those girls on Pinterest making “Some Day” wish lists, of places to go and adventures to have.  They all say “Some Day when I’m Married” or “Some Day before I die”.  Hate to break it to you, but life is short!  And they hold back from adventures simply because they are afraid of being alone.  Enough!  I’ve had enough.  I’m going.  Does anyone want to join?  Pack your bags too.

And as for my possible future husband…. well, God help him, he’d better pack light and bring his running shoes, because I’ve got places to go.

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4 Comments

  • Reply Kristine November 30, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Saw a link to this on Facebook through a friend, and just want to write a word of encouragement. Travel! Be you! If that is what is interesting, fun, and helps fulfill a purpose, then may you be able to do it for as long and as much as you wish. I traveled by myself, for work and vacation, for a lot of years. Never got tired of the new experiences, especially when on vacation. My “single” chapter ended at 33, when I married someone I’m so blessed to have found, and we still enjoy going new places!

  • Reply Lynne Behrns November 30, 2013 at 11:14 am

    This is a great word. I have a friend who knew she was called by God to the mission field. When she met a man who was serious, they had to decide if his level of commitment was the same. It was not. So, to this day they remain friends. She even attended his wedding to another woman.

    I don’t know where you’re traveling, but check out Aglow International Generations at aglow.org. Anna Hammer is the director under Jane Hansen Hoyt, CEO/President. The ministry is in 170 nations of the world — maybe you could encourage and be encouraged by us.
    Blessings,
    Lynne

  • Reply Joy B Rudolph November 30, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    Kathryn, this is wonderful. Thank you for sharing openly. Unfortunately the church has become a hard place for so many people at different stages of life: college students, singles, married but without kids, empty nesters, etc. When will we learn that it is God who orders our days and each person has something unique and valuable to offer?

  • Reply Kathryn November 30, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    Ladies, thank you for the kind words and encouragements! Lynne, I will be sure to check out Aglow, it sounds interesting. Joy, hopefully the Body can learn to love each other where we are at sooner rather than later!

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